Are Drunk Words Sober Thoughts? – Understanding why we say bad things when we drink alcohol

Giving Voice to the Unmentionable

Alcohol can lead us to say things we don’t mean, and we wonder if drunk words are sober thoughts.

Have you ever said anything you regretted when you were drunk?

Did that question send you down a dark and cringeworthy memory lane? You are not alone.

From the simple ‘I can’t believe I said that’ to the desperate plea of ‘I didn’t mean it, I was just drunk!‘

Sometimes, it sounds like an excuse. Other times, they are painful regrets, and a small part of us wonders: deep down, did I want to say that?

The victims of drunk words might wonder, too. Was it really just drunk nonsense, or do they really think that deep down?

The truth about drunk words is found in our brain chemistry and how alcohol changes the way we think or, rather, don’t think.

Thoughts vs Words

Imagine your internal thoughts were broadcast out loud for an entire day. How would you feel about that? Most of us would hide away in a cupboard because we don’t want our silliest, darkest and strangest thoughts to be shared. Certainly not with everyone.

People don’t want their thoughts to be public against their wishes, nor do we want to hear the thought trains of everyone else. As social creatures, our brains are heavily invested in keeping those around us happy and improving our social standing. 

Are those thoughts just repressed?

It can be tempting to think that expressing our thoughts will make us free and happy. However, our brain stops us from blurting out everything that comes into our heads.

Alcohol can stop our brain from doing that filtering. That means we are not using all of our brains to decide what we say. It might be tempting to follow our animal instincts, but the higher brain function is there for a reason!

In some cases where people repress feelings often, alcohol might remove that barrier. However, it will be a distorted and overly emotional version of how they really feel. Repressing feelings exaggerates them anyway. Adding alcohol to emotional turmoil makes a problem seem much worse and your words or reaction completely out of proportion.

Did You Really Want to Say That?

Most people think about doing scary, dangerous, or impulsive things sober. However, our brain isn’t perfect, and it can often mix up signals and emotions. 

This happens when you picture telling your boss how you feel or consider jumping from impossible heights. Thankfully, your brain is pretty high-functioning, and in the end, you shake off these thoughts and wonder: where did that come from?

Drinking alcohol heavily can mix up how your brain understands and processes emotions and experiences. 

Hence why, you are twice as likely to get injured or hurt if you have more than five units of alcohol. Your judgment is impaired. 

So the answer is that just because you thought something doesn’t mean you wanted to do it. People think about things they want to do and things they don’t. Their brain weighs and measures them and decides to do them based on judgment. 

For example, you might think your friend looks terrible in their outfit, but you don’t want to hurt their feelings, so you do. The same goes for things you want to do. Maybe you want to lie and convince that pretty girl you just met that you are a rich, successful bodybuilder, but you know that is wrong and short-sighted, so you don’t. 

Alcohol and Impulses

Alcohol takes that ability to reign your baser and irrational impulses in.

Impulse + judgement = good decisions. Alcohol removes the judgment part, and that is where bad, regretful decisions come from.

Does Everyone Have Drunk Regrets?

Surveys of even mid to heavy drinkers suggest that about 60-70% of people do or say something they later regret when drinking. 

This statistic was reported in a survey of university-aged students. It likely covers the lower age groups, but evidence suggests that older people worry more about drunk behaviour than younger people.

Drunk Texting

In the modern age, in addition to saying something when we are drunk, we text someone when we are inebriated. Although texting does take a bit more thought than blurting something out, we are also more detached from our natural social barriers when we send a drunk message. 

Texting drunk adds a layer of protection from the person’s reaction, which can lead us to send things we later wish we hadn’t. Also, it is harder to deny or take back when it is in a tangible text message. Texts also open up drunk communication with people we don’t see or speak to normally when we are drunk.

Do Older People Regret Drunk Words More?

Older people drink more than younger people, and this has been the case for the last decade. 

There are other studies which include a bigger range of ages, and they show that drunken regret increases as we get older.

We are more likely to have close relationships and long-term connections when we are older. We have a smaller social circle, but they are whittled down to a core of people we really want in our lives. 

It is much more painful to say something cruel or hurtful to someone we are closer to than to a casual acquaintance. On the other hand, people we are close to are more likely to forgive a drunken slip-up if we offer a sincere apology.

Does Mental Health Make it Worse?

People with mental health problems are more likely to say they regret their words or actions when drunk. The worst affected are people with anxiety and depression. 

This is because the parts of the brain most impacted by alcohol are the areas that deal with anxiety and mood. 

Hanxiety and Drunk Words

GABA is badly affected by alcohol. Initially, it increases the level while you are first drinking, then later, it lowers this neurotransmitter below your natural level. 

This is why you are more anxious and emotional when you are hungover the next day. Over time, this piles up until your GABA levels are so low you cannot feel happy or calm without a drink.

Saying things you normally wouldn’t do when you are drunk works against you in two ways when it comes to anxiety. Worrying about what you have said or might have said can cause anxiety. Anxiety makes you want to drink more as well, to get temporary relief from alcohol.

Socially anxious people are most at risk from drunk words. They often use alcohol to self-medicate their anxiety and allow them to socialise. 

This is because they are nervous about saying the wrong thing or what people think of them. Later, when the alcohol wears off, the anxiety rears its ugly head again, and it is even worse if you regret what you said while intoxicated.

The Dangers of Drunken Words

Embarrassment is the first thing that comes to mind for most people thinking about what they say when they are drunk. 

Social issues can be varied, though, and some are quite worrying.

Relationship loss is a big risk factor. No matter how many times we plead drunkenness, sometimes we won’t be forgiven for our drunk words. You might lose a friend, partner or even an important work relationship if you say hurtful or inappropriate things while drunk.

Mental health can deteriorate if we suffer from anxiety or stress as a result of things we say while drunk. Depression and anxiety can have a huge impact on our quality of life and health. 

Confrontation and retaliation are a real risk in many cases when we say things without thinking them through. Not everyone will take our unfiltered words with simple disgust or amusement.If we say something triggering to someone it may turn violent or emotionally damaging. 

What to Do?

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